Spiritual Partnership: Resolve Conflict by Connecting First, then Discuss
November 21, 2013
Summary: Spiritual partnership is a shared journey of deeper love and acceptance for your self, for each other, and for others. It starts with a deep commitment to your own process of healing to find deeper levels of love, acceptance and forgiveness for yourself and for your partner.

Spiritual partnership can often involve conflict because learning and growing is taking place on a continuous basis. Any change can create stress in a relationship. How you deal with these conflicts makes all the difference.

Connect First, then Discuss

The most effective way to deal with conflict is to connect first,then discuss what the conflict is. Many times in a relationship, what we’re arguing about isn’t the issue at all. We’ve got stuff going on.

I say something that hurts my partner’s feelings. My partner pulls away a little bit, so I feel little abandoned. So I withdraw a little bit, and then our connection’s a little bit lost or diminished. And the sense of trust has diminished as well. Quite honestly, that’s what we do a good portion of the time.

But sometimes we can get to a place where we just say, “All right, time out. Let’s just sit down. Look into each other’s eyes. Take a deep breath and soften our eyes, soften our bellies, relax our tension, open our hearts, and just connect.”

And what we’ll find from this place is that most things just dissolve because it really was about connection to begin with. And if there is something that has a little bit of weight, we’re probably going to be in a place to listen to each other more and take in what the other has to say more. Our hearts are going to be a little more open, and so there’s probably less chance for feeling blamed or criticized.

This gives an opportunity to break through the conflict, the defenses, and “I’m rights.” And it’s sort of a compliment, like saying, “It’s so painful for me to not feel connected with you, it’s more important for me to do whatever it takes to feel connected than it is to be right.” It’s a beautiful thing.

Acceptance before Understanding

Acceptance is the road to understanding. This is generally the opposite way our mind works. Our mind tends to think, “I need to understand in order to accept” or “I need to understand before I’ll accept.” The idea is to keep us safe from something different, outside of what we know and understand. The problem with this is that the understanding is coming from the mind and it’s limited. We’ve got to get past our inner filters that come from our mind in order to accept at a deeper level that comes the spiritual partnership.

Any understanding we feel we must have in turn creates conditional acceptance. It’s, “I maybe accept you under these circumstances, but not those. Now but not then.” If we talk in terms of a spiritual relationship, there’s a better way than needing to understand in order to accept. It’s saying,“I’m going to choose to approach life and my partner with love and with acceptance and with an open heart. That’s going to allow me to take in more information because I’m more connected coming from an open heart. I’m going to have more understanding as a result.” Since I’m more present in that situation, I’m more open-hearted and more connected. I feel safer to make choices that best serve me. When we come from a head understanding, it’s like, “Did I get enough information? I’m not sure. I don’t think I fully understand. I’m not going to really accept.” That’s coming from our past programming and keeps us in the same cycles and dysfunctions.


When there are things I don’t understand about what my partner does, if I approach my partner with a sense of curiosity, as in, “Wow, I wonder what they’re doing there,” there’s openness andplayfulness. We’re much more likely to connect in that case, than if I charge in with judgments and criticism which is very closed energy. By doing it with curiosity, we’re opening an opportunity for learning.My partner might have a good reason for what they are doing. View it as an opportunity for learning and for us becoming closer and connecting further.

If you’d like to learn more about becoming magnetic to love and attracting your spiritual partner, pick up your free Ebook “6 Things You Can Do Right Now To Magnetize Love” at my website: http://MagnetizingLove.com

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