Do you ever think that you and your man are from different planets? Does it seem as though you speak completely different languages?
You do! Men and women actually have their own unique languages. But you can learn how to approach and respond to your man in a whole new way that will bring you into synch and closer together. You’ll also be more likely to avoid conflicts or resolve them quickly, and get what you need from him.
1. Don’t expect your man to multitask
Don’t talk to your man about important things or your relationship when he is doing something else. Likelihood is he won’t pay full attention and you will take it personally and get upset. He’s not disinterested – he just works best by focusing on one thing at a time and giving it his full attention.
Solution: Be patient. Wait until he has finished doing what he is doing and then talk to him and you’ll be sure to have his full attention on you!
2. Remember the 30 second rule
If you ask a man for his opinion or how he feels he is likely to take his time to answer. Remember, women are mostly run by their feelings and can usually express them easily but a man holds a whole well of information and feelings but he doesn’t express it in the same way you do. He takes your request very seriously and may take a while to consider and respond to provide you with the best possible answer!
Solution: Ask him a question then wait 30 seconds for him to answer. During this 30 seconds say NOTHING! Don’t make suggestions, don’t try to hurry him along and definitely don’t interrupt or talk over him. You will usually find that by the end of the 30 seconds he will start to talk – this is the time to LISTEN with no interrupting. Once he trusts that you are not going to interrupt him, talk over him or tell him what to say, he will express more and more to you, including how he feels.
3. Men are problem solvers
It can be frustrating when you tell your man about your bad day and he starts telling you how to fix it and what you can do about It when you just want him to listen to you. But remember, while a woman finds huge relief in talking and talking, men are problem solvers – that’s what they do! They see you are upset and they want to solve it to make you happy!
Solution: Before you launch into how bad your day was, explain to your man that you would like him simply to listen while you vent! If you would like him to say anything or help you solve anything, let him know. You’ll find he gives his full attention to listening and you feel loved, heard and relieved.
4. Men have limited capacity for detail:
Women see details! We see the colors, the beauty. We smell the smells. We use our senses to their fullest capacity. Men on the other hand have very limited capacity for a huge amount of detail. Instead they focus on the facts and getting to the point. So when you start telling him all of the details of your day, you can only keep his attention for so long. He is listening for “What’s the point?” and if it’s too long before you get to it, a man will find it almost torturous which is when he starts to withdraw from the conversation.
Solution: Get to the point! Save all the details for your girlfriends. Realize that your man isn’t being rude, he is simply being a man! He is interested in what you are saying and wants to hear it but he simply needs less detail so that he can fully engage and in this case, celebrate with you.
5. Don’t expect your man to magically know what you need
Your man is not a mind reader! It is not his responsibility to automatically know what you need but it is your responsibility to ask. If you don’t ask, the chances are your man won’t know and won’t give it to you, or he may try to guess what you need and get it wrong which then makes you upset and frustrated.
First, be sure to know what you need yourself! The more specific you can be the better. Men are very logical and respond best to clear, specific information so avoid being vague. So for example, let’s say you would like more affection. Rather than saying “I would like more affection” you might say: “Please would you give me a hug every morning before you go to work.” When you ask for what you need in clear, simple terms rather than expecting him to magically know, you’ll find he’s usually only too happy to deliver!
6. Men thrive on appreciation
When a man does things for you and you don’t appreciate him, you criticize his efforts or you complain, a man feels disheartened. You then wonder why he doesn’t enthusiastically want to continue trying to please you and you feel hurt.
Appreciate what he does for you even if it’s not quite what you want. If you need something else be clear and specific. When you do this he will do everything in his power to make sure you are happy! The more you appreciate your man, the more he’ll want to give to you.
7. Men are providers
Men are natural providers and need to know what they provide for you. Let’s say your man gives you something and you seem to like it but don’t tell him why, he may well forget to provide it again.
As part of telling him how much you appreciate him, tell your man specifically what he provided or will provide for you. For example: “When you hug me and stroke my hair, I feel totally safe and loved.” When you do this, your man will feel even more appreciated and won’t be able to wait for the next opportunity to make sure you have what you want!
8. Men need you to be receptive
When your man tries to give you something – whether it’s a compliment or he wants to do something for you and you won’t let him, he feels sad and even crushed. You may wonder why you don’t seem to get what you need, perhaps not realizing that you are pushing him away.
Allow him to carry your suitcase, open a door for you or run your bath. You can make some suggestions of the things you would like, but allow him to choose from your suggestions. Let him surprise you and be receptive to his ideas too. He’ll simply love surprising you and making you smile!
9. Men want to make you happy!
Men are all about winning and your man needs to know that he can win at making you happy. If he sees you sad, complaining, criticizing him and constantly unhappy, eventually he will give up and think that another man can do a better job. You are left wondering where it all went wrong.
Start to trust that your man really does want to make you happy, have faith in him. Your trust will make him be a better man for you. Focus on and tell him the things you appreciate about him and what he provides for you. Ask for what you need in clear, simple and specific terms. Smile! Men love to see you smile! Then watch as he gives you everything he’s got to keep you smiling!
10. Confidence: The number 1 quality a man looks for in his ideal woman
Your man feels genuinely sad when he sees you beating yourself up or saying how fat your stomach is, how frizzy or flat your hair is, or how you wish you were slimmer, fitter, younger or more attractive. He sees you as beautiful, lovable woman – that’s why he’s with you.
Be confident in who you are. If there are things you would like to change, do so because you love yourself so much that you’re worth it. When you know your worth you are incredibly attractive to your man and he’ll find you totally irresistible.
Your 14-day “Attract Your Valentine” Boot CampSpring Fever: 5 Ways to Open Up to Find New Love