Becoming an Excellent Receiver
September 4, 2014
So many of us are great at giving but are not very good at receiving. We find it easy to give but more difficult to receive. For example: we deflect attention away from ourselves when people pay us a compliment or we don’t ask for what we need for fear of being a burden.



To maintain a loving, committed partnership, we must be open and ready to receive. If we want a partner to give to us, to nurture us, to support us, and to love us, we need to be able to graciously receive and accept all of the attention coming our way and know that we are worthy of it. We need to learn to become queens. A queen makes sure that she has everything she needs in order to serve her people, that means getting enough sleep, rest, nutritious food, exercise, metime, downtime, time in nature, play time etc. In this way she fills herself up and then is able to give to the best of her ability. She gives the best of herself and is greatly appreciated by all around her. People can’t wait to give to her.

We often find ourselves secretly resenting giving to others or feeling taken advantage of. Instead we want to learn to say “no” and give to others when our tanks are full to overflowing. We also want to make sure we truly want to give and recognize that we actually have a choice in whether we give or not.

Being an excellent, gracious receiver is a vital skill to cultivate. When we know how to graciously receive, we will find that people (including our partner) can’t wait to give to us. They will want to give us more and more.

This does not that we become self-obsessed or that we stop giving. Rather it means that we are centered in our own value and worthiness to receive, while extending ourselves to others and giving from a place of fullness rather than giving on top of feeling already depleted. We are full and overflowing and then have so much to give. In this way we honor ourselves and honor others.



Start to look at your current relationships and friendships and whether you are giving more than you are receiving or vice versa. Also, look at your underlying motivations for giving too much and your underlying beliefs about receiving.

Exercise: Looking at your various relationships including your current relationship, friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances etc,

Ask yourself: “Does it come more naturally to me to give or receive?”

If it comes more natural to you to give, ask yourself:

“Is there something compelling me to give that I need to look at?” “Do I feel safer?” “Am I trying to avoid being abandoned or rejected?” “Am I afraid that people won’t like me or accept me if I don’t give?” “Are there times when I secretly resent giving?” “Does giving leave me feeling deflated?” “Am I giving from an empty tank?” “Do I give myself enough of what I need to give to others?” “What do I need to give to myself and what do I need to have in place in order to give to the best of my ability?” “What’s in it for me to be giving more than I am receiving?” “Do I think that people will love me more if I give them things?” “What’s the pattern I can see when people try to give to me?” “What beliefs do I have about my worthiness to receive?”

Write down what you see. Spend some time reflecting on a more healthy reason for giving. Focus on giving to yourself first and foremost. Also allowing others to give to you so that you’re giving from a place of fullness and balance.

Ask yourself: “What changes can I make in my relationships to bring more equality to both giving and receiving?” “What new choices and actions are needed so that I’m on track with my commitment to this?” “What do I need to give to myself in order to be able to give to others?”

For example: Do you need to set up a conversation with someone to talk about bringing mutuality to the giving and receiving? Do you need to set some boundaries? Do you need to start saying “no?” Do you need to start speaking up and stating what you need? Do you need to start reaching out for support and asking for what you want? Do you need sleep, exercise, me time, downtime, time in nature etc to be able to be full enough to then give to others. Write down the changes, choices, actions and steps you will make or take. Begin to put these in place right now to become an excellent receiver and be the queen you truly are.



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