Embracing Past Hurt and Pain: the key to your healing and freedom to attract your true love
Do you have the experience of attracting unavailable, uncommitted men? Do you feel unseen or unheard? Are you the one doing all the giving in your relationships?
I know what that’s like. I experienced these things for years and it was deeply disappointing and confusing to me.
That was until I realized that everything I thought men were doing to me ie. Abandoning me, rejecting me, not seeing me, not valuing me, not respecting me etc etc, I was in fact doing to myself. Men were simply mirroring this back to me, and providing me with an opportunity to heal.
Many of us recognize a pattern in our relationships. When we think of this pattern we often experience a physical sensation or pain in our body. It may occur as a “dread” feeling in the pit of our stomach or a tightening of our chest or some other part of our body.
These sensations and pain that we feel is actually our inner child, the younger part of our selves in our body. This child part of us has formed all sorts of beliefs, assumptions and conclusions about what’s possible for them in love and relationships. This part of ourselves is often very neglected, wounded and incredibly sad or angry or grief-stricken or a whole range of other emotions.
We can spend years running away from these wounded parts of ourselves. It simply feels too painful and too scary to face them. We think that if we do our best to deny or disown these parts of ourselves, that somehow they will go away and so we do everything we can to cover them up. Some of the ways we may do this include distracting ourselves by keeping incredibly busy, or trying to numb the pain by doing everything from avoiding relationships completely to engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors or even addictions. In other words we abandon ourselves.
There are four major ways in which we abandon ourselves:
We wouldn’t abandon or beat up an actual child who was suffering. Yet we do this to ourselves. Each time we beat ourselves up, we are crushing that child within us a bit more.
- Staying in our mind and disassociating from our body
- Judging ourselves, beating ourselves up, blaming and criticizing ourselves
- Turning to addictions for example: food, alcohol, sex, drugs, work, gambling, shopping, hoarding, exercise etc.
- Make other people responsible for our feelings. Trying to control other people loving us, approving of us, accepting us etc.
Our freedom comes when we give up running or hiding away, and instead we become willing to turn towards and embrace these wounded, painful parts of ourselves with love and kindness. We become the parent to ourselves that perhaps we didn’t have and commit to taking a new stand for ourselves. We begin to treat the child within ourselves as we would an actual child who is suffering.
We need to realize that what we have been doing up until now hasn’t worked, and then cultivate the courage we need to begin facing and embracing the pain and reaching out for the support we need if necessary. This takes a commitment and resolve to our selves. It’s a commitment to show up for our selves no matter what.
When you are fully available and committed to yourself, when you really see your own beauty, value and worthiness to be loved, you will draw towards you a partner who can’t wait to commit to you, is fully available to you and one who it totally “lit up” by you just for being you.
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